Another Short Story

Caped Crusader and Masked Marauder

“And what makes you think you’re qualified for this position?”

The Masked Marauder sighed dully. He’d been interviewing his henchmen all day, trying to find the least benightedly idiotic one to promote. The spandex clad man before him fidgeted.

“Well–I–I’ve been working for you for–uh—” He paused to count a moment on his fingers. “—three years, and I almost came close once to killing your foe, the ‘caped crusader’,” the misbegotten henchman hesitated, and then pulled out his fake references. As he handed them over, the Masked Marauder rolled his eyes behind his mask.

“Not one!” he shouted after they had all gone. “Not even one qualified enough to tie his own shoes!” he slammed his fist down hard on his desk, crushing it to powder. “That’s it!” he exclaimed angrily. “That is bloody well it!” he narrowed his eyes. “I’ll have to start interviewing again.”

*                    *                    *

Several weeks later, the Masked Marauder sat back in his new rolly chair and contentedly surveyed his first applicant.

“Chris Campbell, is it?” He confirmed, glancing at the open folder lying on the desk. “Well now, these are what I call references.” He said to himself quietly. “Why are you wearing a mask, Chris?”

“I always disguise myself for an interview, Sir,” The young man responded readily enough. “That’s what I was told to do in S.V.A,”

“You went to the Super Villain Academy? Well, I am very impressed, but also a little suspicious.” He stood, taking note that he was considerably taller than his potential sidekick. “Why don’t you already have a job?”

“Oh, I’ve had offers,” Chris responded brightly. “But you’ve been my...’hero’...in a manner of speaking—“ they both chuckled. “—ever since I was little, when I heard about—” He lowered his voice— “Plan Alpha Beta Z.”

“Ah, yes.” The Marauder said reminiscently, leaning back again to sip his coffee. “Yes, I like to think I inspired many with that particular stroke of genius.” He smiled with new favor upon Chris. “But tell me: why do you want to be a sidekick? With your qualifications, you could go all the way, be your own villain.”

“You really think so?” Chris leaned forward before remembering his composure and forcing himself back into his chair. “Thank you, Sir.” He smiled modestly. “Your offer was...” he paused, evidently unsure of a proper adjective. “Unique. Unprecedented.” he leaned forward conspiratorially. “Personally, I’ve always thought the sidekicks were the missing element in SuperVillainy. I mean, all the heroes have them, and they ‘always win.’”

“Well! I have to interview the others now, but I think this went very well,” The pair got up to shake hands over the desk. “Of course, I can’t promise anything, but it’s safe to say expect a call around Thursday? Alright, take care, Chris."

*                    *                    *

A few hours later, the Marauder headed out into the crisp fall air, humming lightly to himself. A shadow fell across him as he turned to lock the door. He realized he had left his Villainous Utility Belt up in his office, and visions of the caped crusader filled his mind and heart with dread. Turning grimly, he saw with relief that it was only—

“Chris! What are you doing here?” The Marauder peered into the darkness. “Is there anyone with you?”

“No, sir; I’m alone.” Something in the boy’s voice failed to put his suspicions to rest. “So how were the other interviews?”

“Huh? Oh, fine, fine.” The Marauder lifted the corner of his mask a bit, trying to shake the feeling that they were being watched. “Say, how about we walk and talk?” He suggested.

“You’re not walking anywhere.” A deep voice emanated from the depths of a nearby alley. A tall silhouette was just visible in the darkness.

“The—The Caped Crusader!” The Marauder stumbled back to collide with Chris, who grabbed ahold of him in fear.

“You’ve been violating your parole, Marauder.” said the Crusader, stepping out of the shadows to reveal a somber profile, shrouded with a black cloak.

“No—it’s all a perfectly legitimate business venture!” The villain protested, now struggling to break free from the terrified grip of young Chris.

“Wrong.” said the Crusader softly. “SuperVillainy is an illegitimate business, and I have proof that that is exactly what you are up to.”

“Like what?” The Marauder racked his brain, trying to remember where he had failed to cover his tracks.

“Right here.” said Chris, suddenly snapping cuffs onto the shocked villain “Sorry I can’t be your sidekick, because I’m already a SuperHero sidekick.” He looked up at the Crusader hopefully. “Right?”

“That’s right.” The hero responded proudly. “Go ahead, take it off.” Chris grinned at the Marauder, pulling his villainous mask off to reveal a stunningly heroic one beneath.

“But—how did you know?” the Marauder stammered, still reeling from the shock as he was shoved into the police car.

“Easy,” said the Crusader. “We read your ad in the paper.” He slammed the door on the humiliated villain, and waved as the car pulled away and drove off into the night.